Jacksonville Man Divorced After Zay Jones Lays Egg in Week 6
Nincompoop says "Zay actually caught TWO TDs! He was just out of bounds..."
Meet Jerry, the self-proclaimed “really smart guy” who never wants to admit he’s wrong. It’s a guarantee anyone who mentions how smart they are is an absolute nincompoop and almost certainly the most annoying person you’ve ever met. Jerry the kind of jabrony that will send a text like:
and claim that stupid file-path that was, in fact, what he was trying to send. *Narrator Voice* It was not.
After starting Zay Jones in the flex in week 6 who netted a grand total of 6 targets and 0 yards Jerry was pissed off and decided to review film to see what went wrong and confirm he wasn’t at fault.
After reviewing the game film Jerry reached out to the league group chat:
“Guys - Oh my god! Zay actually caught two touchdowns - it wasn’t a bad decision by me after all! His feet were out but he caught both of ‘em. Told y’all starting Zay was smart! He also drew a PI for 8 yards in the 2nd quarter. Big game from Big Z!”
His league-mates tried to explain a near miss does not count for anything and many players have “almost plays” every week.
“Aaron Jones had the big 50 yard TD run that was called back for an illegal formation. Should we count that? What about when Davante was wide open for an easy TD and Jimmy G overthrew him? Are those points too? Is there an almost points setting we can turn on, Jerry?” said Justin, the defending champion.
Jerry not convinced, as the Zay situation was “totally different”.
A couple of days later, Jerry headed to a local bakery to pick up his wedding cake. When told they didn't have his cake, he was initially furious. But after he convinced the seasonal employee to allow him to review the security footage, he saw the bakery actually had made the cake but dropped it on the floor while moving it into the box. Close enough for Jerry. With his mind at ease after the bakery film session, he headed home happy and cake-less.
At the reception, Jerry’s wife was furious after learning they had no cake to smash on each other. Jerry explained the situation and said he reviewed the tape and the bakery had made the cake, just biffed it getting into the box.
His wife, fucking furious, shouts “Jerry them making the cake is IRRELEVANT! If I don’t have the cake I could give a shit if they made it or not. Either I have my cake or I don’t. And I swear to god if you bring up Zay Jones NOT catching those TDs I’mma lose my mind, bro! He dropped an egg and you lost”
Jerry’s wife filed for divorce 2 weeks later explaining in official divorce proceedings “Jerry will not shut up up about Zay Jones catching TDs that he didn’t actually catch. This guy is a fool and an incredible prick. Also he sucks at fantasy football. Not why I am divorcing him I just want it on the official record”.
The following Saturday, Jerry headed to the Clemson game to watch his never-wrong idol, Dabo*, barely lose to FSU. He bragged to anyone who would listen in the south end zone about his successful marriage.
*
