Fantasy Football Manager Discovers Meaning of Life After Being Eliminated From Playoffs
Philosophical rebirth coincidentally occurs just minutes after losing in the first round.
A surprising text came through the group chat of a Lexington, KY fantasy football league earlier this week from one Ross Carmichael.
“Hey everyone, I’d like to let you know that I’m leaving this group chat and the league permanently. Honestly, I’ve just moved on to bigger things. Fantasy football no longer challenges me intellectually. If anyone would like to join my new group chat on physics, philosophy, and logic, please let me know and I’ll get you added in. Farewell.”
-Ross, 11:43pm, 12 minutes after being mathematically eliminated from championship contention.
An initial wave of confusion was soon replaced with merciless mocking.
“Ross — it kinda feels like you’re acting like you’re too good for fantasy football because you just got your ass kicked.”
-George, league commissioner
”Yeah, Ross told me to kill myself after I outbid him for Isaac Guerendo in week 8, so this is all a little rich coming from him.”
-Grant, lifelong friend
Ross, who missed the birth of his second son so that he could witness Alvin Kamara’s 6 TD performance on Christmas Day 2020*, moved on to belittling his leaguemates for not supporting his new high-minded endeavors.
*Alvin Kamara’s 6 TD performance for the league championship was a “once in a lifetime experience”, he explained to his wife Laura.
“I’m not surprised that you all have resorted to ad-hominem attacks against me. Nevertheless, I remain steadfast in my pursuit of purpose, profound understanding, and the boundless potential AI holds to elevate humanity. In time, you will come to recognize the magnitude of the work I am undertaking. For now, your narrow-mindedness betrays a lack of vision.”
-Ross
Ross immediately removed himself from the group chat and thus, was unable to see the initial text that has resulted in everyone calling him thesauRoss for the rest of his life. For his part, Ross queued up his third Lex Fridman podcast of the week and became an expert on economics, ancient history, and religion all in the span of four hours.
